Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Every Family Counts!

While reading blogs, I discovered that one particular faith is opposed to fertility treatments and it really has me disturbed, so here is my rant about that and other things related to motherhood. CORRECTION: Apparently said faith is opposed to IVF, not fertility treatments in general. Author and comments I read were misled to treatments used. Regardless, these are my feelings.

The blog I was reading was talking about Jon & Kate (plus 8) Gosslin and how the means they used to get pregnant wasn't great. I've done a little internet research on "Kate" and she used Clomid and intrauterine insemination to get pregnant. To say this is "not natural" sets me on edge and while it may not have included wine and roses, none of my pregnancies did either.

I think that motherhood is a calling and those that chose to accept this calling by taking extraordinary means should be celebrated. In fact, I think those mothers might be better mothers than those of us who just chose to have sex: they knew what they were risking and chose to do it regardless. (If I would have know I could have twins on a particular month, I probably would have waited until the next month).

What about moms who, oops, end up pregnant, with or with out a partner that aren't married? Why don't religions condemn that behavior as openly as they do fertility?

Someone is going to point out that we shouldn't judge...and we shouldn't judge either the mom that got knocked up or the mom that chose to have children with medical assistance. Keep it up and someone is going to tell me that because I had to have c-sections, I probably shouldn't have had kids either. And lets face it, to judge these things would just be ignorance.

I admire those that made hard choices to be mothers: to adopt, to have artificial insemination, to use clomid or IVF. It isn't often you hear those words within a news report on child abuse.

I think God gave us wisdom to make choices for our own good. Birth control is one of the places we have to use wisdom. If I had another baby, I don't know that I could handle it...sometimes I can't handle what I do have. Is God going to condemn me more for using BC or taking my own life or abusing my kids?

To all my mom friends...I hope that your children bring you joy and that you aren't judged for the choices you made to become a mother.

And while I am at it...don't ever tell a twin mom that you always wished you would have twins. I don't need more guilt in my life for wishing that my twins would have been born at different times. And if I ever get a chance to ask the Duggars a question, I am going to ask if they think twins are harder than singles...I get told all the time that people know what I am going through, because they have kids close together (Irish twins). I don't think it is the same!


  1. Well, at least I know how you really feel, too.

  2. I have to take my hat off to all of those who choose to be mothers. Being a mother is not an easy task and one that I can not even comment on. I see my friends with their kids and I see why I haven't had any. Do i regret that decision? Sometimes, but I know that those who choose to... however they do it are blessed.

  3. By whatever means you become a parent doesn't really matter. It's the love & bond that is shared with the child once it comes into this world that matters. Being a parent is one of the toughest and most rewarding jobs you'll ever have. You won't doing everything right all the time & will be told "I hate you" more than once. If every parent became one by "conventional" means some of us would not be here today. I myself may not do things the right way, but I'm not sure there is really a right way.

  4. Ohhh Erika,
    Thanks so much. I get the "look" all the time for my method of TRYING to become a mom. It is very unfortunate that some criticize others when not having walked in their shoes. Motherhood is is defined by loving and pouring your heart time sweat and soul into a child's life...not the "brom chica brom brom" part before they even get there!

  5. Erika, I just wanted to tell you again how much I love and admire you. Your choice to be a mother has blessed not just you and Alvin, it has also blessed your parents, your siblings, your friends and your neighbors. I personally believe that this world is made better for every child born into it. Children are a reminder of our divine heritage, and daily show those lucky enough to walk by their side, that ALL people are loving, kind, honest and fair. They exemplify peace, trust and charity. As we each did in our own childhoods, before tragedy touched our own hearts and lives, changing us. for better or worse, into the people we are today. :-)

  6. Thanks for writing this post. People are too judgmental when it comes to motherhood. It's such a personal decision. What's best for one person may be totally wrong for the next. We do what we can with the inspiration that we're provided with and hope that our kids turn out happy, regardless-or-because of our decisions. I, myself, am tired of people saying to me "oh, I thought he was yours!" Thanks people...if he's not mine, whose is he?